A Year Of Changes

2020 will be a year of change for me and for family. My husband, kids and I will be moving to Southern Utah this summer in hopes of less inflammation for me, while my brother, Mirna and my parents are moving back to the Pittsburgh Pennsylvania area. Mirna’s family lives in Queens, NY, so Pittsburgh will be a lot closer for her to visit them.

Just the thought of moving has caused me a few anxiety attacks, and I have to remind myself that God is guiding me and will help me overcome my challenges that I know will test my patience

Angels

I know from personal experience that angels are real and have helped me numerous times. I’ve been protected from harm once while driving across the country, and often when panic threatens to overcome me.

This year has been such a hard one for me with my health problems. My anxiety and stress have been much worse then last year, but I’ve had earthly angels help me unexpectedly, such as stopping over my house with a hot chocolate mug with delicious a mint hot chocolate packet.

Today I will attend church with a brace around my neck and a heavy boot on my right foot. But I will be there! Even as I write this post my nerves are overwhelming me, but I’m picturing heavenly angels sustaining and loving me as I do my best to move forward in faith that everything will be okay in the end because God loves me.

Shopping On A Scooter

I went shopping today with Jim and Noah at Costco. This was the first time I used a motorized scooter there, and it was busy! I had to repeat in my head, this is only temporary, it’s not forever as I drove myself all over the store.

I used to walk faster then the scooter at its highest speed, and in a few minutes I will be going out to Walmart with my brother for Christmas gifts and pray that they have a scooter available. My boot is so heavy even when I’m sitting. I suppose this has been a very good method of humbling me as I watch everyone walking faster then my scooter travels.

I have faith that my foot will heal and that I won’t need a permanent scooter for many years to come.

Broken Foot Anxiety

I went back to the doctor’s office yesterday to check on the broken bone in my foot. It’s better then it was two weeks ago, but my foot is still a little swollen and sometimes hurts. The arch in my foot has become way too flat, so she gave me an orthotic to wear when I put my feet in an athletic shoe. I remembered that I bought a special sandal with great arch support.

I’m worried about the future of my foot if the long bone can break at any given time. My anxiety about working out is high, because it seems like the more I try to fix the weaknesses in my body, new problems arise that complicate any progress that I gained with all the hard work I put in.

My faith that everything will work out in the end is still holding, but I can’t help but worry that someday I may just lose faith in my ability to take good care of my body.

Wedding Stress

July has flown by so fast, and I still have so much to do to help with my brother’s wedding. Things like moving bed frames around and buying my mom a new full size mattress, and prepare a new living space for my brother and his new wife.

While I’m in New York, I have to prepare to sing two solos during their ceremony, with only my phone and blue-tooth speaker to accompany me. So, this ought to be interesting! I decided to do this because most of her family only speak Spanish, and our family only speaks English, so singing the same hymn in two different languages would be awkward, assuming that they are familiar with the music. I will pray that Heavenly Father will send me angels to help me, because at this point, I just want this wedding to be over with.

Living with anxiety and preparing for a large event like this is difficult. I’m grateful though for Billy and Mirna and their beautiful love story that I will just power through it and help them as much as I can.

My Mental Health

This month has been stressful for me; more than it usually is. It didn’t help that I went a few days without my medication, Sertraline, something I take for my anxiety. I’ve spent much more time crying over various things that I would NEVER do under normal stressful times.

I don’t know if it stems from my brother getting married in two months, if summer is coming which brings way too much heat with it, or if it’s just my body releasing some of my deeply hidden pain. On Saturday my oldest son and I got into an argument (I won’t get into that) but it made me want him to move out. My feelings were deeply hurt, and I knew that I needed to pray for the gift of forgiving him and for strength to endure my difficult life.

Fortunately, he did give me what I needed as I drove out into the country without him so I could think and not feel annoyed at him just for being in the house. We talked about our issues and he promised to be more respectful and allowed me to help his mood swings with my doTerra oils which have helped us with various medical problems!

I’m so grateful to have my Sertraline again, and am grateful for the help it provides me to keep going and getting out of bed each day. I pray the day when I no longer need them to feel less anxious from the heavy load I carry everyday.

Teenagers

It must be so difficult to be a teenager in the world that we live in. Navigating through a tougher curriculum than when I was in high school would definitely stress me out. It seems to me that the teachers cause our teenagers stress as they keep talking about what will be on the State exam. I’m all for testing the kids and identifying what my son needs to work on, but don’t agree with their method of intimidation.

And the bullying! Yes, we had bullies in school back in the 80’s, but fortunately we didn’t have social media to publicly humiliate people, and the teachers had authority to discipline the kids who were out of control. I remember when I returned to college about 2001 – 2002 to become a teacher and learning about how much had changed in the public schools, which caused me to change my major to business.

My son has a wonderful attitude and has a sweet spirit. I prayed that the Lord will give my son strength to resist Satan’s enticements as he prays with us and folds the clothes. Faith that will help all of us to overcome our challenges.