I want this virus to go away already; it seems like we’ve been in isolation for a year now. Depression has me in its firm grip, so I ask myself what day of the week it is at least once a day. I’ve been planning to create a schedule for myself (which I HATE) by the day of the week so I’d have a better time remembering where in the week I am. I refuse to watch the news for more than a few minutes. I’ve been watching a DJ named Derek Floren every night but even that entertainment has waned. He plays music from his house and dances while the music plays and even sings with the tract. Quite a few women want to date him and they are nice to each other yet are competing for his attention. Even I did that for a while, feeding off of their emotions as an empath.
Someday life will return to normal, though it will feel different. It will take time for us not to view others as the virus and avoid each other. But that day will come.
In January after a lot of discussion and prayer, Jim and I changed our destination from Southern Utah, to Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania. Jim grew up there, and my family and I moved there from Queens, New York in October, 1992. It feels like home.
It’s where I met my amazing husband, Jim. We built a wonderful life and adopted our two sons there. Our extended family live in the area, so it made more sense to move back home, as they say.
We found an old home with 31 acres of land in a suburb north of the city that we are trying to buy, but my Texas home needs to sell first. If it weren’t for the Covid-19, I think this house would be under contract.
Along with the rest of the country, we are staying home in isolation. We are praying for this pandemic to end.
I’ve been tracking the Covid-19 updates,especially in the Houston, Texas area. The numbers keep going up, even with the social distancing. My parents constantly watch the news with their grim predictions.
To counteract my anxiety, I turn to my faith. I choose to believe that everything will be okay. I search my scriptures and follow the Lord’s living prophet, President Russell M. Nelson, who teaches:
“We live in a time of turmoil. Earthquakes and tsunamis wreak devastation, governments collapse, economic stresses are severe, the family is under attack, and divorce rates are rising. We have great cause for concern. But we do not need to let our fears displace our faith. We can combat those fears by strengthening our faith.”
I need my faith to sustain me or my anxiety will overtake me as I worry about people losing their jobs and their lives, such as my friends, family, and people around the globe. My heart hurts for everyone affected on a deeper level. However, this too shall pass. The Lord will bless us as we put our trust in Him.
I haven’t posted in months as I prepared to sell my house. It was a lot of work. The kind where I am popping Ibuprofen every 5 hours.
Then the Coronavirus hit, and life as we know it stopped. My busy Houston superb feels more like a post-apocalyptic movie where I will see a zombie. I haven’t gone for so many neighborhood walks since I moved out of Queens in 1992!
Everyday the sun continues to rise and set, and I ask Jim what day it is because it feels similar to every other day. We have had some wonderful, family spiritual moments and my house feels more sacred.
I know from personal experience that angels are real and have helped me numerous times. I’ve been protected from harm once while driving across the country, and often when panic threatens to overcome me.
This year has been such a hard one for me with my health problems. My anxiety and stress have been much worse then last year, but I’ve had earthly angels help me unexpectedly, such as stopping over my house with a hot chocolate mug with delicious a mint hot chocolate packet.
Today I will attend church with a brace around my neck and a heavy boot on my right foot. But I will be there! Even as I write this post my nerves are overwhelming me, but I’m picturing heavenly angels sustaining and loving me as I do my best to move forward in faith that everything will be okay in the end because God loves me.
I went shopping today with Jim and Noah at Costco. This was the first time I used a motorized scooter there, and it was busy! I had to repeat in my head, this is only temporary, it’s not forever as I drove myself all over the store.
I used to walk faster then the scooter at its highest speed, and in a few minutes I will be going out to Walmart with my brother for Christmas gifts and pray that they have a scooter available. My boot is so heavy even when I’m sitting. I suppose this has been a very good method of humbling me as I watch everyone walking faster then my scooter travels.
I have faith that my foot will heal and that I won’t need a permanent scooter for many years to come.
I went back to the doctor’s office yesterday to check on the broken bone in my foot. It’s better then it was two weeks ago, but my foot is still a little swollen and sometimes hurts. The arch in my foot has become way too flat, so she gave me an orthotic to wear when I put my feet in an athletic shoe. I remembered that I bought a special sandal with great arch support.
I’m worried about the future of my foot if the long bone can break at any given time. My anxiety about working out is high, because it seems like the more I try to fix the weaknesses in my body, new problems arise that complicate any progress that I gained with all the hard work I put in.
My faith that everything will work out in the end is still holding, but I can’t help but worry that someday I may just lose faith in my ability to take good care of my body.
It’s been way too long since my last blog post. It’s been a balance of progress and setbacks in my quest to strengthen my body. Although I’ve been working with a personal trainer and going on long walks with Jim, I somehow managed to break a bone in my right foot.
My foot doctor told me that it’s a heredity issue of the long bone in my foot being too long and breaking as a result of this, and will keep breaking unless I order a customized orthotic for my foot. Hopefully when I return to the doctor on Tuesday, my x-ray will show a healed bone. It’s been another trial of faith to rest my foot when I would rather be walking and serving my family and friends.
Thursday afternoon my husband, son and I were on our way to the local mall. As we were stopped at a red light, we felt the car jerk forward. Unfortunately it hit the car in front of us, though not nearly as hard.
The first thing that I remembered afterwards is my husband saying something like, “these people can’t drive!” His car was lightly hit at a u-turn stop about a month earlier. My neck hurt a lot, so I started crying. We all got out of the car and heard the woman who hit us say that her brakes wouldn’t work. I’ll leave that for the adjusters to figure out; I’m grateful that we are okay.
Noah and I let the ambulance take us to the local hospital to be looked at in case of any complications down the road. I’m hoping the pain doesn’t get any worse. I also felt God’s love for me and His tender mercies for us as my husband gave me a priesthood blessing that included healing oil. I’m grateful that the Lord knows me so well, because most of the time I walk by faith.
This month has been stressful for me; more than it usually is. It didn’t help that I went a few days without my medication, Sertraline, something I take for my anxiety. I’ve spent much more time crying over various things that I would NEVER do under normal stressful times.
I don’t know if it stems from my brother getting married in two months, if summer is coming which brings way too much heat with it, or if it’s just my body releasing some of my deeply hidden pain. On Saturday my oldest son and I got into an argument (I won’t get into that) but it made me want him to move out. My feelings were deeply hurt, and I knew that I needed to pray for the gift of forgiving him and for strength to endure my difficult life.
Fortunately, he did give me what I needed as I drove out into the country without him so I could think and not feel annoyed at him just for being in the house. We talked about our issues and he promised to be more respectful and allowed me to help his mood swings with my doTerra oils which have helped us with various medical problems!
I’m so grateful to have my Sertraline again, and am grateful for the help it provides me to keep going and getting out of bed each day. I pray the day when I no longer need them to feel less anxious from the heavy load I carry everyday.
Often I make plans that end up changing. Although I become frustrated, soon enough I see the Lord’s Hands creating something better than what I imagined. And while I don’t usually want the change in whatever it is I have pictured in my mind, accepting it is how I grow. It’s how I continue learning to trust Him, that He will do what He’s promised to if I exercise my faith in Him.
So when I drove to New Castle, Pennsylvania on May 1 to look at an investment house, I was bummed to learn that they just accepted an offer from someone. Seriously, I had an appointment to see it the next morning!
The highlight of the visit was when my brother met his girlfriend and they became engaged. I don’t know how they would have met if we hadn’t gone to Pennsylvania given that they live in NYC and the flights are NOT cheap. I will try to remember that the Lord is in control next time my life turns “off course” from the one I planned on and wait for His timing, because He will never abandon me.